Tears
by Lozzimal
Summary: or Five times Danny cried in sadness, and 1 with joy. Bit of depression and angst all the way through, and some slashy comments at the end.


Tears

or Five times Danny cried in sadness, and 1 with joy

* * *

1) Billy

Danny Williams had been to funerals before – he was born into a large family with lots of aunts, uncles, cousins however times removed, grandparents, and his father was a fire fighter too. But this was the worst one he ever had to attend.

Billy, his best friend, his confidante, his first love, was gone, swept away by the ocean the pair of them had trusted to frolic in. They had spent their summers in it, days in the sea, nights on the boardwalks, sleeping in whichever house their parents had hired for the summer, just to do the same thing again the following day.

They were going to do things together – go to college, to the academy, be cops together, be partners, just be with each other. But now? Now, all gone. His future: gone. Billy's future: washed away by the uncaring waves; the cold, dark water.

Every time Danny had closed his eyes he could see the look of fear on Billy's face as he realised he was caught in that rip tide. He could hear him shouting at him for help in everyone's voices, feel his own helplessness as he tried but failed, his own horror as the ocean took down his best friend and didn't let go.

Now, they all stood here, standing over his grave, while an empty coffin was lowered in. The ocean hadn't yet given up it's prize, Billy was still out there, somewhere, but it had taken some graphic information from both his father and the Coast Guard rescue people for Danny to realise and understand. Billy was gone; they had searched for three days continuously, and found nothing. He wouldn't be walking from the ocean as he had done so many times before, laughing in exaltation of what he had just done, daring Danny to do the same thing.

But it was only now, standing over the hole in the ground when Danny finally realised he was not coming back, and he fought the tears that had been threatening for a week. He tried to swallow round the hard ball in his throat, looked up and tried not to let them fall.

His father, standing next to him, noticed, slipped his arm around his shoulders and hugged him tightly. "It's okay," he murmured in his ear as Billy's Dad threw a handful of mud on the empty box. "It's okay to cry son," he told him gently. "It really is."

Danny leant against him and let the tears flood down his face. "I miss him so much," he replied and turned round so he hid his face in his father's strong chest, sobbing quietly.

"So do I," Dad agreed with him and embraced him with his other arm too, laying his chin on his head. "So do I."

* * *

2) Grace Tillwell

So many memorials, so many funerals, the pall of smoke that took days to dissipate. His baby sister asking why her friend Jamie's Mom wasn't coming home again. But it was Grace's that did Danny in. The death of his partner in such a senseless way hurt so much, hurt much much more than the beating he had endured.

He knew she wouldn't want him to feel guilty, she'd said as much, but he did, of course he did. They had killed her because he had a picture of his unborn child with him in his wallet, nothing more. It was so … wasteful, so stupid, and he was still in a state of disbelief even as he watched her fade from him, the light go from her eyes as she died. He had no idea where all the cops and fire fighters were going, just that the sound of the sirens had, at last, saved him.

But when he found out, some time later, that he had been saved by one of the worst terrorist atrocities to hit the US he was stunned. And an awful, traitorous part of his mind wondered why the hell hadn't it happened sooner, why it hadn't happened thirty minutes before, and Grace could still be alive.

The thought he could even imagine something like that shocked him, as he sat on a gurney somewhere, waiting for something, that he could wish for that to happen earlier to save a woman who had pledged to protect and serve horrified him and punched through the blanket of shock had smothered him with.

But he couldn't change his grief, the overwhelming pain for just one person rather than the thousands. But he had loved her, he always would, and he could do nothing but cry for her, for his loss.

His supervisor found him a little later, staring at nothing, tears streaming down his face, and he didn't even seem to notice when the Lieutenant gently squeezed his shoulder for some attention, and comfort.

* * *

3) Grace leaving for Hawaii

Danny couldn't believe this was happening, that he hadn't been able to stop it, that they were going to leave without telling him. He hadn't even taken note of who called him, just that they'd said Edwards was taking his gorgeous jewel of a daughter and if he wanted to see her one last time he needed to get to the airport, now.

So he had, grabbed the car, and drove like a banshee through Newark to get to the airport, lights and sirens blaring, blasting through intersections with no qualms. His partner of the day understood Danny's panic, he had listened to the blond detective over the last couple of weeks so he hung on and quickly called in a family emergency at the airport.

Danny virtually abandoned the car at the main doors and ran, leaving his partner to deal with it, and checked the gates for Hawaii on the screens in front of him. Luckily the gate wasn't too far away, and he sprinted through, flashing his badge when he was confronted by security.

He spotted them in the first class lounge, through the glass, his little girl sitting apart from the other two, hugging her soft toy monkey Danny had bought her a couple of years ago. She looked miserable, and Danny's heart ached.

He burst through the doors, startling everyone in the small area, including his daughter, his reason. She looked up at him, and her face lit up when she recognised him. "Danno!" she cried, shoved herself off the chair and ran over to him.

He knelt in front of her and caught her with both arms, hugging her tightly. "Monkey," he murmured and pressed a kiss to her temple. "I didn't know it was today."

She hugged his neck tightly. "They wouldn't let me tell you," she told him with a sob. "They said you wouldn't come anyway."

He squeezed her a little more and glared furiously at Stan and Rachel who had both stood as well, over her head. "They were wrong," he told her, when he really wanted to shout, yell and punch them both out for lying to her like that. "I would never let you go without seeing you off. Ever."

She sniffed and pulled back a little so she could see him. "I don't want to go without you," she told him quietly, and his heart broke a little more.

"I will be there in no time, Monkey," he promised her, and made the decision he had been toying with the moment the judgement had gone in Rachel's favour. Again. Where Grace went, he went, simple as. No way in hell was he going to let some overpaid real estate agent look after his little girl like he was her father, no way.

Edwards was already walking towards them, probably in an attempt to pull Grace away, but thankfully Danny's partner, Rob, turned up at just the right time to stop a homicide. If Edwards had touched either of them at that point Danny knew … he KNEW he would have pulled out his gun and shot the bastard, but Rob jogging in and stood firmly between the two.

So he was left alone with his daughter, and he spent a nice ten minutes or so with her, listening to her talk about her concerns and excitements about leaving and going so far away.

But it was far too soon when the call for their flight came – one of the staff tapped Stan on the arm and told him, and he, in turn, slowly approached. "I'm sorry Danny," he said around Rob. "It's time to go."

Danny was at a loss, there was nothing he could do he knew that, but his anger didn't. He was about to yell, shout and rant, but Gracie, still hanging onto him, hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek. "You will come and see me soon, won't you Danno?" she asked tearfully. "I miss you already."

"I miss you too, Monkey," he murmured in her ear, kissed her cheek and squeezed her tightly again. "I'll be there as soon as I can." He paused and studied her closely. She looked so hopeful he could do nothing else. "I promise."

She smiled then, although tearfully. "I love you, Danno," she assured him.

He smiled too, although he wasn't feeling it. "Danno loves you too, Baby," he told her. He really didn't want to let her go, he had a fast police car outside, a partner who could block Stan for a few moments if he decided to make a break for it. But he had never been one for not thinking about consequences or his responsibilities, and he couldn't bare the thought of never seeing her again because he did something rash now and grabbed her. So he had to let her go, even though it was THE most difficult thing he had ever had to do. He ignored everyone else around them, just kept his eyes trained on her as she stepped away from him and back towards her mother, who quickly stepped close and took hold of her hand.

Everything apart from his beloved daughter was white noise as he watched her go, as they stared at each other, Grace not looked at anything but him as Rachel dragged her away. Stan looked apologetic and regretful as he picked up his own bag. "I'm sorry, Danny," he said to him, but the cop ignored him in favour of Grace.

She was gone far too soon, they all were, and only when she was gone from his view did Danny cover his eyes with his hand and let his bottled up tears fall.

Rob, with kids of his own, understood and manhandled him into a nearby chair. He slung an arm over his shoulders and waited him out, and took the bottle of water and packet of tissues one of the ever-attentive staff handed him before they left them alone.

Danny hadn't felt so helpless before in his life, apart from when his beautiful daughter's namesake had died. All he could do was stop himself howling in agony at the loss.

"What are you going to do?" Rob asked him eventually, when he had calmed down a bit.

Danny sniffed, rubbed his eyes and blinked up at him. "I guess I'm going to Hawaii," he answered him, and meant it.

* * *

4) Steve McGarrett

Danny stood in his crappy apartment, after a shitty day of the usual insults from his 'colleagues' and tried to fight the frustration building in him. It had started the moment he had stepped foot on this rock with two suitcases filled with his worldly possessions, two addresses written on some paper and nothing more. He hated it, stupid pineapple-infested hellhole… Paradise? His ass.

And then, six months into his self-imposed exile into the seventh level of hell AKA Oahu, his world caved in. Again.

He met Steve McGarrett at a crime scene.

First the guy had invaded his scene, aimed a virtual cannon at him, shouted questions and demands at him when Danny should have been doing the asking, and then? Then he had completed his humiliation by calling the Governor and, probably, getting him fired.

Not only that, but Rachel had called to tell him she was not letting him have his court ordered weekend with Grace because she and Step Stan had some stupid thing they wanted to show his lovely daughter off at. He got about two words in, the same he had with that McGarrett asshole, and he had stood in his horrid little shoebox and shed a couple of traitorous tears from his sand-filled eyes.

Then he shook himself out of it, hearing his father's gruff voice from years ago. "We're made tough in Jersey Danny, and you're the toughest of the lot."

His ex wife and this overgrown sailor had both told him he wasn't good enough for them, that he came up short of their requirements. But Grace – he had given up everything he had: friends, job, and family to be here for her. She had never told him he wasn't good enough for her, that he was just a stand-in until something better came along.

He pulled himself together, for her, and decided if McGarrett wanted his job, Danny was going to fight it, and him, tooth, nail and vocal chords. He would prevail; he knew that, he was feisty, stubborn and good at fighting dirty. If that army brat wanted a war he was going to get one; Danny wasn't going to give up so easily.

* * *

5) Malia

Malia was gone, however hard they had fought for her it just hadn't been enough, and they had lost her. And taken everything Chin held dear with her.

None of them really knew what to do now – all had gone through loss in their lives, but for Danny at least, seeing the normally so Zen-calm Chin so … destroyed was a shock to him. So Danny did all he could to be there for him, Chin had for him when Meka had died. He'd helped him with funeral arrangements, dealt with all of the paperwork for the … case was so arbitrary a word for Malia's murder. He had made sure Delano's demise was seen as justified in the records, completed the paperwork required for bereavement leave and shoved it under Steve's nose to sign, and even managed to line up a counsellor, but warned her that Chin would probably not take up her services.

The only other thing he could do was be there for Chin when he needed him, listen to him if and when he needed to talk, and just let him know he wasn't alone.

Chin was mostly silent, and Danny, knowing despite all evidence to the contrary, knew what solace there could be in silence, didn't force him to talk to him, just to eat and drink when he needed too.

Chin was just too polite at first to tell him to get lost, and then as time went on and he realised this was actually real, he relied on him more and more. He knew Danny, Steve, and Kono in some respects, also cared about Malia and had lost a good friend too, and being there for him was Danny's way of showing him that, as well as grieving for himself.

Danny was also good at face to face contact – Chin could not deal with seeing his and Malia's family with pity on their faces, especially those that had repudiated them both in the past. He dealt with everyone that came to the house, and then, so far beyond anything Chin had hoped, he delivered items that Malia had bequeathed to various people.

Chin let his best friend go with another load to deliver, promised him he would be okay while he was gone, and watched him drive away before he turned back to the shattered remains of his home, his life.

He tried to sort some more things out, surprised that they had accumulated so much in their relatively short time together, but, they had gotten down to clothes and other personal knickknacks. He managed another twenty minutes or so of folding and packing, but then picked up Malia's red sweater from the wardrobe. It was a light knit, and she had liked to wear it when the weather got a bit less hot. He held it tightly, remembering how soft it had felt on her, how comfortable she had always been in it, how upset she had been when the hem had started to fray, how pleased she had been when his mother had repaired it.

It still smelt of her he realised and pressed it to his nose, breathing in the scent of her – and that was enough to destroy his tentative grasp on calm. The first sob wracked through him, and he buried his face in the sweater and collapsed onto the bed behind him. However much he tried to fight it he couldn't control it, and Danny found him about ten minutes later, sobbing silently into the sweater.

Danny wasn't … he COULDN'T let him go through this alone, and he put down his keys and sat beside him on the bed. He didn't say anything to him, just embraced him tightly with both arms. Chin sank against him, curled his legs up onto the bed and let himself be enfolded in Danny's presence, his love for him.

The other detective hugged him tightly and pressed his face into Chin's hair. "I'm here," he assured him, as he would Grace after a nightmare. "You're not alone," he added and finally let some of his own tears fall, soaked up by Chin's hair. "You're not alone."

* * *

+1) tears of joy

It had been a long hard fought battle, a brutal war of attrition, and Danny had thought about giving up so many times. But here he was, at the final stage, waiting his fate, decided by an unbiased, uninvolved person. His lawyer, someone he would forever be grateful too, whatever the outcome sat tensely beside him – she was almost as invested in this as he was. She had warned him from the outset that he might not win, but she had proved to be a stalwart ally, a new member of his ohana, and had refused all but his first payment. The detective was no fool, she had been recommended to him by Kono, and by extension Adam Noshimuri, who was probably paying her bill too. He had wondered, fleetingly, what Adam wanted in return, but had put that to the back of his mind and concentrated on more pressing matters. Like today.

The judge, seemingly having a flair for the dramatic, played with his papers and folders while everyone watched him, waiting for his decision. Danny itched to get up and shake the guy, it had taken enough time to get to this point, what was he waiting for now?

Steve, sitting close next to him, noted his twitches and laid his large hand on Danny's thigh to calm him. "Not yet," he murmured in his ear, virtually silently so no one else could hear. "Kono will deal with him if necessary."

Danny looked up at him with a tiny smile, and he turned to face the other two members of their team, sitting in the first row behind them. Chin looked calm and unflappable, and he smiled at him. "Patience, Grasshopper," he said quietly to him as he leant forward. "Not long now."

Kono, sitting beside Chin, was not so calm. She glanced at him and leant close as well. "He said the same to me," she told him and rolled her eyes. "I just want to beat it out of him." She did look agitated, she was flexing her fingers, tapping one foot, and kept glancing surreptitiously at the judge in front of her and the other 'side' across the aisle.

Danny smiled a bit wider at her. "SuperSEAL has decided you can deal with any fall out," he assured her, and she grinned and nodded.

"I can cope with that," she agreed.

She was going to say something else but Danny didn't really want to know, especially in a courtroom, and Steve was squeezing his thigh to get his attention. "Heads up," the SEAL told him, a little louder for them all. "Show time."

Danny faced front again, trusting his partner implicitly. He was right; the judge had played with his paperwork, rearranged everything on his desk and generally prevaricated, and was now ready to get to work. He gazed over the assembled throng, leant forward a little for emphasis, and tried not to smile.

This case had been a bit different than the usual – at first he had thought it an easy one to do, but, as it had unfolded, it had become more and more complex. Yes it had taken time, but he knew exactly what affect his decision was going to have so he wanted to make the best one.

So he cleared his throat, made sure all the relevant people – Detective Williams and his family on one side, Mister and Mrs Edwards and lawyers the other – were attending him, and began.

"After careful consideration of all the facts in this case, including all previous custody issues," he intoned firmly. And paused for dramatic affect, but not too long. "I award full custody of the child – Grace Williams – to her father, Daniel Williams."

In the shocked silence of the court one voice crowed out. "Yes!" Steve McGarrett said loudly, and pressed a hard kiss to Danny's temple. "You did it, Danno! I knew you would."

His reactions seemed to spark everyone else into action and noise suddenly erupted in the courtroom. Mrs Edwards, who had decided early on in the proceedings not to attend apart from when it suited her, started to shout at both her husband and her lawyers. Mister Edwards slumped back in his seat and let her, and their lawyers started to argue amongst themselves.

The people on the other side of the room were talking excitedly too, all grinning, all very happy. The only person who wasn't saying anything was Detective Williams himself, he just looked stunned, shocked, even as his friends laid their hands on him, just staring at the judge.

Who smiled and nodded at him. "Yes Detective," he told him. "I said you have full custody. There are some caveats," he added. "But we'll go through those after a short recess. Okay?"

Danny nodded and flinched at the noise of the gavel smacking down on the desk, which shut everyone else up too. "Recess," the judge said loudly. "We reconvene in fifteen minutes."

Steve watched him go and then turned back to face his partner. Danny was still silent and the SEAL frowned at him and slipped an arm around his shoulders to hug him close. "It's okay, Danno," he assured him quietly. "You won."

Danny frowned at him. "I did?"

When the Commander nodded he was surprised and concerned when Danny's face suddenly crumpled and he virtually burst into tears next to him. Steve wasn't particularly touchy feely but, for his partner, he could adapt and he pulled him closer, as tightly as he could. "It's all right, Danno," he murmured to him again. "You won." He buried his face in Danny's soft hair. "Just think," he told him as his partner clutched at Steve's polo shirt and let him surround him. "No more waiting for her, no more arguing over who looks after her when. Just Gracie, you, and us."

He had to be quite loud to be heard over the arguments in the other side of the room and Danny pulled himself together and looked up at him. "Not if they have anything to say about it," he grumbled, and was going to look around him to them, but Steve stopped him.

"That's their tough luck," he retorted and pressed his forehead against Danny's, forcing him to look him in the eye. "They agreed to the no appeals clause," he reminded him. "They thought if it could be done quickly they'd win. But they didn't, partner," he told him firmly. "You got your daughter back." He smiled at him, one of his rare full, wide very happy smiles reserved only for the very special. "You've got your life back, Danno." he assured him, knowing exactly what this decision meant for his partner in his arms. "You got your life back."

He was right, Danny realised as he stared at his grinning best friend, his mind working quickly. He had got his life back – after the fears of the last few years of not being able to decide where he was going to be in a week, not able to get too close to people, just in case he had to pack up and leave, again. Despite that, the three people of his team, mostly Steve, had barged their way through and past his defences and wouldn't let him wallow in his self-imposed loneliness, whatever he said to them. But now? Now he didn't need to hold his affections back, didn't need to hide himself away. He could have proper relationships with people; he could finally make a home here, with his beautiful daughter. He smiled, tentatively at first but then broader when he realised exactly what this judge had given him. Tears slipped out of his eyes again, but this time…. this time he finally understood what it felt like to cry real tears of joy. "My life," he murmured and grinned up at Steve. "Will you share it with us? With Grace and me?" he asked him meaningfully. "Will you?"

Steve spoke Danny now so he understood what he was asking. "Yes, Danny," he answered him, and let him go with one hand to gently wipe away his partner's tears. "I will share it with you."

The kiss they started with made Chin, watching, sit back and grin, something he hadn't felt like doing for a while. "About time," he commented, very pleased about all of it. And because he got the last word in too.

End


End file.
